"Eldery Woman Behind The Counter In a Small Town"

I've always been a guy who thought it was better to take the chance than to have regrets. But it makes me wonder about that guy who always takes a chance. The guy that for better or worse chooses to put himself out there knowing that the results could...and have... crushed him. I wonder about that guy. If he is happy.

Is it better to live your life questioning "what if" or living with the consequences of the chances you've taken?

"Time is never time at all, you can never leave without leaving a piece of youth"

I have two old online journals. They usually act as wasted space out there on the net, but to me they are an archive of the person I used to be. Many of the entries are difficult to read, not only because of the horrible grammatical mistakes but the also the ridiculous content. How could of I written some of that crap? But I think about the kid who wrote those entries. Typing away on his computer, filled with so much anxiety, confusion and angst. Exposing his soul out there for the whole world to see. Would that kid like the man that he became? If we were to met at a coffee shop and talk, would he think I am just another person that doesn't feel like he feels? Another person that lacks the emotional perception to see things as the way he see them? And what about me? Would I just think the kid was some whiny punk that needs to realize that life isn't all sunshine and farts? Tell him to suck it up and stop being such a emo kid?

Or would we be able to sit and talk, sharing stories and laughs? A beer in my hands and a chai tea in his. Would I be able to place my hands on his shoulder and let him know that despite the disappointments and pitfalls of his life that he'll survive, he'll be a better man in the end. Would help me rediscover my spontaneity, my courageousness? Things that I've find fading in the loom of adulthood?

Tuesday, March 22 2005
The bruises have gone away and the cuts have stop bleeding. My heart is beating again.......

I look up at the stars and they are brighter than they've ever been and the moonlight is leading the way.....

................................I'm 100%

Friday, March 22 2002
Today, I went back to my old school... Walker Middle School. It was to say the least, freaky. Everything seems so much smaller now. It truely mad me realized how much I have grown.... Its weird... I walked past the place where I asked out Kara for the third time and my other classes rooms where I was a small pathetic loser and enter the lunch room where I was just a kid who didn't know anything, and it made me feel so weird. Did I actully grow that much? .....blah......... All I got to say about that.... blah........

Ever think that you at somethings and/or someone way to much for granted. Like last night, I realized I take a lot of my friends for granted. See like Karen. I don't know why, but as we were leaving Micky D and she said "I love you" and then she was like "I'm serious" it made me really accpate all those times when she says it just kidding around. Yea know what I mean? I take all those other times she says "I love you" just for granted. :-p.... yea...yea...yea..... I'm a dork :-D

"Just Like We Do"

Zooming down I-40 I often look past the piece of speeding machinery next to me through the driver side window to see the actual human sitting there. I begin to wonder about that person. What their life is like, what struggles they have face, if they been in love or had their heart broken. I wonder about their life's journey that led them to this point, cruising down the highway among strangers and driving next to me for a fleeing moment. 

It still amazes me when I realize in those moments of traffic that the sea of cars in front of me contain a person or people. All with their own stories. All with their own long list of triumphs and tragedies just trying to make it through the maze of paved roads and exits. That they are just not metal machines in my way, delaying me from my desired destination.

"La La La Means I Love You"

Maybe its my type B attitude, I am not sure, maybe its how I am the complete opposite in every possible way, but I always seem to befriend type A workaholics. Then I think about it and I could never understand why. I never seemed to understand the logic behind working 60 hours a week, working yourself to the bone, giving your entire self to a job or career just to make a buck. And I understand, I came from a privileged life. That I was provided things when I needed them, but I still feel as if there has to be more than just bank account balances and corporate ladders.

There has to be the look in the person you love eyes' and being able to come home to that, throwing birthday parties for your children, pints with friends you can always count on.... moments that are insignificant by the world's standard yet moments that for you last forever... not extra zeros in a back account.