Monday, June 21, 2010

"Hear You Me"

Bored, sitting in the corner of a department store as Sara was shopping for clothes, scrolling through Facebook on my Blackberry, I saw Dexter Dodd post a memorial on someone's wall. As I looked at the wall it was posted on, I found that it was John Kim. I only shared a year, more like a semester and a half of friendship with John. Even in that short time, I felt I was able to truly know the heart of who he was. The goodness of him as a person, the reflection of Christ he projected. Though I can't reenact many of our specific conversations, the time we did spend together left me with the understanding that he was a true person, a true friend, even for just a fleeting moment in time. Though the time I knew John was short it was devastating to hear the news of his passing, so it crushes my heart to think of those who were blessed with knowing him for even longer.

John transfered out of Campbell the following year. We became "when you are in town" friends, saying to each other that we should meet up when the other is in town over FaceBook. Leaving random comments, typically about sports, on each other's wall. Eventually even those stopped and he became another status on my newsfeed. Sometimes I wonder if the effect of his death has on me is more selfish. That his passing brings my morality even more to light. Or if I am forcing myself to be sad for an old friend.... But when I think of lost of a friend, no matter how seemingly minimal that time was, no matter how small the moment in the scope of life, lost of true friendship, lost of true fellowship, should always be mourned.

Why does apathy get the best of us? It feels like there are countless friendships in the past that I've let slip into oblivion. Relationships that I've truly delighted in, even counted on, for a period of time turn into acquaintanceships. I always figured that the divine purpose of that relationship had been fulfilled, and God leads you to move on with those relationships always in your heart. But there is a certain accountability that must be placed on oneself. If there is one glaring lesson I've learned in the past years is that friendships take an amazing amount of work. That to nurture and grow a relationship with a friend takes an amount of laboring. That friendships do not necessarily come easy. I pray for the resolve to put in that work, to nurture those relationships.

May angels lead you in, hear you me my friends. May angels lead you in.