Monday, December 5, 2011


When I was ten, I moved away from the only home I ever knew. Ever since, I was in a constant search of "home." The place where the walls held my memories. Where I was welcomed. Where I belonged. I'd be increasingly jealous of my friends that could go back to their childhood's home. That they could come back to a foundation, to something that felt never changing. For so long, I felt like a nomad. Wandering through baron plains, just making camp to leave again.  New places, new beds, staring at new awkward ceilings. Each year I'd find myself more cynical of the idea a home. Assuming it was just  youthful idealism with no merit or purpose. Living in a world of temporary, with interchangeable parts, why would anyone need attachments?

But then I found home. I found that I could belong. I found that I could be welcomed. Not in a house, or location. Not in a city of a state. But in Sara. In our marriage, our friendship, our romance, our life together.

Home. is where ever I'm with you. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011


11 years is a damn long time to know someone. Specially in the scope of high school and college, where friendships emerge and dissipate in a blink of an eye, 11 years is indeed an impressive length of time to call someone your friend. And if there is someone in this life in whom I've shared the full spectrum of emotions, its been Karen Burns. Which is why I find it a blessing that I was part of the chorus of family and friends to witness Karen dedicating her life and love to Marshall.

11 years later and this is prob the best picture we taken together. Haha.

At the end of the ceremony, the officiant announced that "love wins." I stood, clapping and reciting along to the words of "You and I", as the husband and wife passed by with gleaming smiles and repressed tears of joy. The magnitude of the statement resonated through my heart. Love does win, in eternity, in romance, and in friendship. 

So on a pleasant afternoon in September, amidst the subtle North Carolina heat. I witnessed the girl who spent her life chasing butterflies..... catch one.

Monday, September 5, 2011


Like most of entries I had this saved in my drafts for a while. Sometimes I always feel the end to make a nicely written ending and for me thats the hardest part. So I'll just post as is. 

Jewish. Pervert. Loudmouth. A-hole. Drunkard............Passionate. Genuine. Loyal. Friend.

Today a person that I've shared this journey from college to adulthood with is stepping onto an airplane and moving thousands miles away. While there the Facebook, Twitter, Skype, Google +, and even this thing named a call function of phones will keep us contacted with each other it will not replace sitting down at a table enjoying a pint and shooting the shit.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

"All You Need is Love"

I posted this in my old blog nearly a decade ago....

As I stood next to Mike, watching Tiff descend down the stairs of the park in her gown, I couldn't help but to be amazed. Amazed at the fact that what once was juvenile acts and feelings that accompany high school, has through the years evolved into something as beautiful as a marriage. That through all the strife, heartache, difficulties and changes, these two persevered. This love has carried these two 9 and a half years, 2 different states, thousands of miles, different colleges, even different countries. But along the uneven and cracked road, love survived. Love grew. Love flurioushed. Love won.

As they both ascended back up the stairs as husband and wife, a choir of observers filled of friends and families, those who have been blessed to witness this couple grow, sang in union, "All you need is love, love, love..... love is all you need." And with each step up the stairs, their hands clasped together, I thought of how appropriate those lyrics were filling the springtime air. All you need is love.....

love is all you need.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

"Great Rejoicing"

I remember standing there as this old man was addressing all these newly accepted Duke students.

"Getting accepted to Duke was the best day of my life!"

Instantly I felt sad for the man. That the 40+ years or the 18 before them did not contain any better moment in his life. Christmas? Thanksgiving with the family? Wedding? Birth of a child? These events were less significant compared to receiving a letter that says you are accepted to an academic institution? I understand the excitement, I've seen someone receive that same exact acceptance letter (actually it was an email). Heck, I jumped through the halls of my condo once I received the acceptance letter to Campbell.

But one of the worse lies I've heard lately is the idea that college is the best time of your life. That is complete bullcrap.

I had an amazing time in college. I did things that I never thought I've ever accomplish in my life. From a packing out a gymnasium to bowing in front of a standing ovation. College provide me with numerous bookmark moments. And there are those times that I miss the spontaneity, care free atmosphere of college.....

Yet, I've recently came to the conclusion that these past years I've spent graduated are some of the best of my life.

Yes, the "real world" has its share of struggles. There are those days that the monogamy of working makes you completely miserable and the real world does take a considerable amount of adjusting.

But once you find solid ground in the middle of the bombardment of new responsibilities and a new life, I hope you find what I found. The most fulfillment I've had in my life.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Audio obession for the day

Further Seems Forever - On Legendary

Summer is gone and winter is never too far now
When my poor arms (my arms are aching)
outstretched so long that my bones are now
but there, you come with a smile that sends any man to his knees
And I feel I've begun now that we're one now
now that we're one now

Thursday, January 6, 2011

2010: The Soundtrack

Reflecting on this year before, I was afraid that I didn't make any great strides to listen to any great or new music. Then when I started to listen to songs that were relevant for me this year a great collection of music was established. This has been quite the year filled with events that will shape my being.

Roman Candle - Eden Was A Garden
The beginning of the year was full of anticipation. Bachelor parties, weddings, marriages, moving, tournaments, life constantly moving at paces that I pretended to be accustomed too but never really comfortable with. Roman Candle has also been one of Raleigh's standout in the indie scene but never got really into them until I listened to this song.

Drake - Over
Drake is my guilty pleasure. I know many of the underground/hardcore rap hip hop fans hate on him but I can't help but to enjoy his hooks. Plus I believe knowing him first as Jimmy Brooks give me a free pass to enjoy his music. Starting to plan Adam's bachelor party was proving to be a difficult task. I was finding myself frustrated with his friend and having arguments over FaceBook. But when we finally made it to Atlantic City everything came together and consummated into one of the most memorable weekends of my life. While Friday was a reconnecting with friends and making a new one in Adam's HS friend Anthony, Saturday turned into an all out party. Eating expensive steak dinners, drinking wild amounts of liquor (well in Adam's case Crown Royal), running into multiple bachelorette parties, going to bars and clubs. A completely captivating weekend.

Sufjan Stevens - All Delighted People
I remember Nader was the one who posted that there was new Sufjan Stevens up. Ecstatic, like a child tearing the wrapping of a Christmas present, I followed the link and began to listen. It was blissfully chaotic. When the world has come and gone shall we follow our transgressions or shall we stand strong...... and what difference does it make if the world is a mess....... I can just imagine myself screeching those words in agony questioning my faith, my world, my fellow human, my resolve, myself.

Thad Cockrell - Beauty Has A Name
So much planning. So much money. So much bickering. So much drama goes into planning a wedding. Its your bride's day so even the casual or smallest of occasions has it situations. Yet, when the day comes all those things that's been hanging over your head become so tiny and minute compared to the beautiful thing that happens that day. Being stuck in the room awaiting to present myself in front of my family and friends the magnitude of the moment took over me. Pacing back and forth, heart racing, I walked into a full church of the dearest of family and friends. As soon as Sara began walking down the aisle I fought back tears. My machismo was fully relinquished when I began to speak the vows I made for her. Looking into the eyes of the woman that I am submitting myself to I couldn't make it pass the first few words before I choked up. Then the party begins and you share so many wonderful moments with so many wonderful people that are so essential to your life. Then when everyone leaves, the table is cleaned, and the floor is swiped...... you still have her.

Clash at Demonhead - Black Sheep
When I was in High School and begin to define myself with indie music, emo music, punk music, I'd imagine that my love life would turn out exactly like Scott Pilgrim's. Nerdy, insecure, quiet kid wooing the mysterious and socially rebellious girl. My life didn't quite turn out that way but I still identify a lot with 15 year old Elliot. How much pure inhibition passion he had, how reckless he was with his pursues with love. Those things I now try to pour into my marriage to Sara.

Sufjan Stevens - Futile Devices
If I had to sum up my year in music into albums it would be divided into two. The first one would be Sufjan's Age of Adz. Throughout the album it speaks of a theme of now words hold a lot of weight in society. And I pondered on that, that in the end words are futile devices. And some of my own experiences this year held true to the idea.

Derek Webb - Give Us Today Our Daily Bread
The other album would be Derek Webb's Feedback album. An instrumental worship album to the Lord's Prayer. Growing up my Dad would tell us to recite the Lord's prayer before we headed to bed. I think it was this introduction (and reciting it robotically in the Presbyterian church) to the prayer that made it lose its luster. Something cookie cutter and not sincere to your own heart. Yet when Derek Webb introduced this project, I begin to listen to the music and look at the paintings. Then I found a video from the painter Scott Erickson, and he said something that really shook me. "Its an invitiation for you to go deeper..... if He could sum up prayer for people to God, He gave us this statement. That's a pretty amazing invitation." It made me realize that it is kind of a blue print to prayer. Quite the amazing invitation indeed.

Saves the Day - Hold (Electric)
I've said it a million times, but I'll say it again, I'm an extremely reflective person. Most of the time I don't even consider how something has effected me until well past that events has happened. When I was heading to marriage I started to look into my past and the hindsight of things help me understand what I've been through. Why God chosen to place me in those situations, pitted me against those trials, lead me to joy in those triumphs. My writings on those experiences (yet to be finished I know) had become a great tool for me to prepare myself for marriage. When I hear this song it illustrates that idea for me. This is a one of the first songs ever to be released by Saves the Day, and now with a completely different band its re-released and you can hear the maturity and growth of the artist despite the song, chores, and lyrics being the same.

Husking Bee -
Sun Myself
I didn't hear this song until very late in the year when Chris Conley released a EP with the lead singer of Husking Bee. Reading the translated lyrics (no I cant read Japanese just because I am Asian) I understand the peace that the song speaks of. Sometimes I can't just but to help to lose myself in the sky in its deep blue, birds soaring through the sky, and in me in the shade taking it all in.

The Annuals - Springtime
So confession, I stole this song from the Vintage 21 video that announced their new space. I can feel the anticipation of the new season in this song. I approach a new season of my life, I am married now, we even have a dog. Sara and I are the starting point of this family and I am so completely excited for what the new season brings. And what was once a point of hesitation, is now a point of anticipation: time. Time keeps moving and I once was reluctant to move along with it. But for now I am along for the ride. I'm married..... saying those words in no way conveys the weight that it should.... wow..... pretty freakin amazing.

bonus track:

Journey - Don't Stop Believing
FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I will never forget the incredible circle we created at Adam and Kristin's wedding screaming out this song at the top of our lungs. It was an unbelievable joyous day, filled with so much smiles and laughter and love. And to complete the night, you must end with Journey.